I naively thought that recovery was straight forward.
step one; admit you have a problem
Step two; ask for help
step three; get help
step four; get better…..boom! job done!
No apparently not. Recovery is not straight forward. No matter how much I want it to be. I have many days where I feel absolutely brilliant and then boom! I feel rubbish. I feel like I’m slipping back into a spiral of ‘I’m not good enough’, ‘you have nothing and mean nothing’, ‘rubbish ,rubbish, rubbish!’ However I have difficulty accepted that I can just feel crap sometimes…I automatically presume I have some sort of mental illness. I slip into a habit of not making my own decisions and to let people influence how I behave and what I do.
Recovery is a bitch! it lures you in to a safe sense of being and then wallops you in the face with a giant fish! I have genuine everyday grown up problems and my way of dealing with it is being a drama queen and giving up.
I should be happy with my progress if I’m completely honest. I can now get up and out of bed now without any issues. I went into central London and went on the tube (Big, big, big achievement for me). I am better, I am feeling better….just sometimes I want to sit in my pjs and sulk. That’s not too much to ask is it?